


Before the End

by awasteofparts



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Endgame is not Steve and Reader, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Not A Fix-It, Pre and Post Endgame, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sorry again, Steve's beard will not be making an appearance, This Is Sad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21795625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awasteofparts/pseuds/awasteofparts
Summary: Sorry about the lame title.It has been a year. A whole year has passed since Thanos wiped away half of the universe. Steve can still remember everything from that day like he is just returning from the battle, weary, lost, and giving up for the first time. Maybe it's his enhanced memory, or maybe it's all these faces in front of him. There is sorrow in every eye that turns to look at him as he steps onto the sidewalk.For the first time, Steve doesn't feel so out of place in this century.It's useless, but he visits this bar every day. It's a nice place. Not crowded, but there is another reason for that. And there is a girl who comes every day too. A diamond ring on her finger and dressed to the nines, but the frown on her face and the sadness in her eyes tell him she isn't looking for company. No one bothers her. She drinks her drink quietly and leaves after a couple of them.Tonight this girl smiles when her eyes meet his. He smiles back, plays with the idea of approaching her. Just to talk, he tells himself. What else would he need? What else could she need?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Reader/Original Male Character, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. One

It has been a year. A whole year has passed since Thanos wiped away half of the universe. Steve can still remember everything from that day like he is just returning from the battle, weary, lost, and giving up for the first time. Maybe it's his enhanced memory, or maybe it's all these faces in front of him. There is sorrow in every eye that turns to look at him as he steps onto the sidewalk.

For the first time, Steve doesn't feel so out of place in this century.

He stays silent, nods at the old man who smiles at him daily as he scribbles something in his diary. Sometimes Steve wonders what he is writing. But he doesn't ask, it's not much of a secret. The snap is all anyone ever thinks about nowadays.

He thinks about it too. Every morning he wakes up with a start, Bucky's voice ringing in his head.

It's useless, but he visits this bar every day. It's a nice place. Not crowded, but there is another reason for that. And there is a girl who comes every day too. A diamond ring on her finger and dressed to the nines, but the frown on her face and the sadness in her eyes tell him she isn't looking for company. No one bothers her. She drinks her drink quietly and leaves after a couple of them.

He drinks too. It doesn't help but he finds that just being here, this wordless sharing of grief makes him feel better. Makes these days less bleak, if only a little.

Tonight this girl smiles when her eyes meet his. He smiles back, plays with the idea of approaching her. Just to talk, he tells himself. What else would he need? What else could she need?

He finds himself unable to move. So he stays on the bar stool.

He is staring into his drink when he feels someone walk up to him. He tilts his head and finds her wrestling with the stool next to him so she can sit on it. It's a little cute. She is not very tall, and her delicate heels are making this a difficult process. He averts his eyes and smiles to himself.

"Hi," she says. He looks up again and notices that she is finally seated, watching him.

"Hey," he greets with a small nod.

They talk about a lot of things. Well, a lot of things that have changed after the snap. He tells her a little about the fight with Thanos. Not everything. Some parts are a little more difficult to relive than the others. She tells him how the snap had affected her. How, for a reason unknown to her at the time, her fiance Andrew had stopped talking to her midway through a call. How she could hear screams through the speaker of his mobile. She still wears the ring, she says. She doesn't think she will ever remove it.

They don't leave together, not this time. She leaves before him. She is a doctor and has an early shift tomorrow. He nods and tells her to have a good rest of the evening.

The next day, it's more obvious. She is attractive, gorgeous really. He knows he is desirable now. So they talk a little more today. They don't even pretend to not want this, she comes to the bar and joins him right away. He is glad about that.

It's her place first. She is slightly drunk. He can tell because her fingers fumble with the keys a little as she tries to unlock the door. But she manages it without much effort.

He kisses her as soon as he enters and the door closes. It's hot, needy. Like he needs to get away from his thoughts. She responds in kind, deepening the kiss with her fingers threading through his golden hair.

They have sex that night, multiple times. He enjoys the way her small body trembles and squirms beneath him as he pushes her closer to the edge. Her pink lips fall open as she moans breathily with every thrust of his body. Her eyes close when she comes. He comes soon after.

The next morning, she is the first one to wake up. His eyes open when the warmth beside him disappears, leaving an uncomfortable chill behind it and he watches as she gets dressed with her back to him.

Before leaving, he asks her if she regrets it. She smiles as she tells him no, she doesn't.

The next time, it's his place. They don't meet in the bar like they did the first time. Instead, he picks her up on his bike from her workplace. The night is chilly and her arms are wrapped around his body throughout the ride.

When they get home, he offers her a drink that she accepts with a polite "Thank you". He has some whiskey that Natasha brought with her once when she needed to talk. The liquid coursing through her veins gives her enough courage that she pulls him down with her fists clutching the collars of his jacket until their lips meet.

The chuckle that escapes his lips at her eagerness reminds him that it's been a while since he has felt like this. Felt like he has something to look forward to every day.

This time it's better. He notices that they are a little more accustomed to each other's body, and yet there's plenty left to explore.

The sounds she makes when his fingers slide inside her are delicious. The way her hands dig into his shoulders and back awakens something primal inside of him. She clings to him as they lose themselves in pleasure.

Spent, they lie on their backs and she rests her head on his shoulder. When she places a hand on his chest, he wraps his own around it without thinking about it.

It takes him some time to realize, but she is crying. She is almost silent and if not for his enhanced hearing, he wouldn't have noticed the slight tremble in her shoulders, or how her breathing is just a little harsher.

He squeezes her hand softly, "You know you can talk to me. This isn't just about sex, as amazing as that is."

She exhales softly and smiles at him. "Sometimes when I am working, and it's completely out of the blue, but I would just think about all the potential that's lost."

He adjusts them so they are lying on their sides, facing each other. He doesn't release her hand.

Her eyes study him and he nods, urging her to go on.

"Just imagine what all those people would have done or had been doing before they died. Maybe someone was working on a cure for cancer and it's just gone."

Tears well up in her eyes, but she closes them. "Andrew was working for Doctors without borders. He was going to come back and we thought that we could get married. Or maybe not. He was doing all this good work. So maybe marriage would've just gotten in the way-"

She trails off, unable to speak when her voice chokes around a sob that racks her body. Her fingers close around his palm as if she is drawing strength from him.

They don't talk anymore, he just holds her. He knows what she wanted to say, the words she couldn't utter. It's how he felt too. Maybe, those who were gone were more deserving of staying alive. Maybe they were going to fix this world, make it better. Maybe he was just wasting his chance.

He cries that night too. So she pulls herself up on her elbows and wipes his tears with her thumb. They make love again. This time she sits on his lap and he hides his face in the crook of her neck.


	2. Two

They fall into a routine. These last four months, he has seen her almost every other day. It's an addiction, Steve thinks. It feels like one anyway because when the sun sets, he itches to talk to her, to hold her and to be inside of her.

It makes him forget. She is so different from everything he knows, the life he has lived that sometimes he forgets the otherwise constant pain.

Natasha is the first and the only person he takes her to meet. He just doesn't want to associate her with the team. Thinking about Peggy doesn't offer him this kind of respite. Thinking about Sharon is particularly painful. It was his mistake, leading her on, kissing her like he meant it. He didn't. It was a half-hearted attempt to try to feel the same kind of white-hot passion he felt, still feels for Peggy.

Things are just easier with her.

The nightmares become less frequent with time. She starts staying over for breakfast. Some nights, they forego the sex and just talk. It's almost therapeutic.

That doesn't mean that he stops wanting her. He catches himself imagining her with him under the warm spray of the shower one morning. That day he rides his bike to her place. She hadn’t left for work, and he doesn't let her for a long time.

Another three years pass. It's all good but not perfect. There are new faces in the meetings he holds almost every day.

She has removed the diamond ring from her finger and now wears it around her neck. She remembers Andrew, but she isn't bound to the past anymore.  
He still carries the compass with Peggy’s picture in it. But he keeps it hidden in the pocket of his trousers. 

They are healing, and for the first time in a long time, Steve thinks he will gain some semblance of that normal life.

And then one day he finds Scott Lang standing outside the compound, alive and confused, requesting to be let in.

His glass castle shatters.

He doesn't tell her about the possibility of bringing everyone back. Not until Tony joins them. It's false hope, the pain of the worst kind.

But he does want to do this. He wants all of them back. Tony calls it his giddy optimism. He just calls it not giving up.

They don't meet for a few days, but he messages her every night to let her know that he's okay.

One night she replies with a picture of her in a set of lacy lingerie. He can't see her face, but he can see everything else. He calls her quickly, almost desperate. That night he comes to her voice.

Tony comes back the next day with the solution to their time travel problem and his shield in the trunk of his car.

Steve finds Natasha sitting on the porch that evening. She has a half-eaten apple in her hand, but her focus is somewhere else. Wordlessly, he comes to sit beside her.

“What are you thinking about?”  
She doesn’t look up at him, unsurprised by his sudden question. But then, he has rarely ever seen her surprised. She takes a bite out of the fruit and chews it slowly.

Steve knows she is buying herself time. But not because she wants to hide something from him, she simply needs to find the words to truly express what she is feeling. It’s not every day you find out you can get your family back after having lost them for five years.

“I was actually thinking about your girlfriend.”

Her answer surprises him. He turns his head, studies her face and there is a genuine concern on it. 

“What about her?”

“Well, for one, I think you should bring her to meet everyone else before we do this time-heist. The team deserves to know. Tony would definitely want to meet her.”

Steve smiles and drops his head. He imagines bringing her to the compound, what her reaction would be when she meets Bruce. She knows about all of them but hearing and seeing are different things.

“But I know you won’t,” she adds, “And I know why.” 

Steve exhales exasperatedly, “Nat, just say what it is you want to say.”

Her features become solemn, and being as close to her as Steve is, he knows something is really bothering her. 

“You told me her fiancé died in the snap. What will she do if we are successful and he comes back?” 

Steve cannot say that he hasn’t thought about this. He had been pondering over it since Scott Lang somehow came back, having spent only five minutes in the quantum realm, while five long years had passed for them. 

“I suppose she’d want to take him back,” he answers but his voice is awfully strained. 

Natasha turns to face him, a hand on his shoulder that urges him to look at her. 

“And you’re okay with that?”

There is a concern in those green eyes for him, for what this will do to all of them. The stakes are high, but even if they win, there is so much to lose.  


“We care about each other Nat, but I know I am not what she had wanted from her life.”

“And is she what you wanted from your life?”

Steve shakes his head, a rueful smile appears on his face. “She’s special. She’s perfect. When I am with her, I am happy. But what I wanted from my life, I lost that decades ago.”

“And now you can get it back.”

Natasha stands up as she tosses the apple core inside a nearby bin. She turns around, lips quirked upwards in a way that is unique to her.

“You can have the life that you wanted too. Just think about it.”

With that she walks away, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts.

He goes to her place that night, let's himself in with the key she had given him a year ago. She isn't back yet, so he makes dinner for her, just a little surprise.

She comes back and is delighted to see him. She runs into his arms and is genuinely touched to see the table set. But then she looks at him again and it hits her. Something has happened.

She's always been perceptive like that. It's one of his favorite things about her.

Steve makes her eat first. And then they settle on the couch and he pours her a drink. She's going to need more than just one for this.

And then he tells her everything.

She takes it much better than he'd thought, at least initially. She stays quiet for a few moments, just thinking. Her hands close around the tumbler as she looks past him.

Steve can tell already, he knows how she thinks. How she turns over every scenario in her head. So he waits for it to sink in.

And then she looks at him and there is a frown on her face, “You said it will be like the snap had never happened. So, if Andrew comes back -”

“He won’t know what happened, only that he was talking to his fiancé and then he woke up after five years.”

Her hand reaches up to clutch her ring. She smiles softly, and Steve can tell that smile is for Andrew. But it falls as quickly as it had appeared. Her head snaps back to him, urgency in her eyes, hand reaching to grip his forearm as if she is afraid he is about to leave.

"I can't do this to you."

He knows what she is talking about. He had already prepared himself for this particular outcome. It doesn't surprise him. She is still twisting that ring between her fingers. He knows love when he sees it.

"You can't do this to Andrew either."

His words confuse her at first. And then she almost looks hurt, like she is being pulled apart. But he doesn't want her to worry because he understands. He tells her as much. It doesn't convince her.

"No no no no," she stands abruptly. The whiskey sloshes inside the glass.

"You can't do this. It's-" she screws her eyes shut and presses the heel of her palm against her forehead. And then, as if she's had a revelation, she opens her eyes and looks at him, "Honestly, this plan is just crazy. It's dangerous. You shouldn't do this Steve."

Steve stands up, gently plucks the glass out of her shaking hand. "I don't understand the science behind it, but Tony Stark has worked it out. I think we should trust him to know his shit, right?"

She looks at him, wide-eyed. "And what if he’s wrong and it fails? What if I lose you too? I don't think I can take it again Steve. I don't think I will survive it again."

Her words get softer, voice loses strength as she speaks. He pulls her into his arms and she rests her head against his chest. It's second nature to them now. She cries bitterly and he lets her.

They make love that night. It's slow like they are trying to memorize every inch of each other's bodies. He holds her close because he knows this would be the last time he gets to. Steve will either bring them all back, or he will die trying. He doesn't tell her that.

They win, but just as he had suspected, they lose too. Natasha’s funeral is a quiet affair. They don't have a body to bury. 

Tony’s funeral is heart-breaking. He can’t stop picturing little Morgan’s tear-stained face, just a little kid, younger than him when lost his father. He takes some relief in the fact that Tony got to see Peter again, that he didn’t die believing he had failed the kid. Speaking of that, Peter had been inconsolable, until Pepper takes him into her arms, taking on the role of a mother for the grief-stricken boy.

But it is okay now. The wounds are still fresh. But they are together. Even though this team is bigger than it ever had been, it is still incomplete. He hopes, knows that Natasha and Tony found peace before they sacrificed themselves.

He looks at Sam, finds Bucky standing by him, a lost look on his face. It warms his heart to see his closest friends like this. He still remembers them bickering in the car like children.

He looks over at Wanda. She has lost so much but has only grown stronger for all of it. She is talking to Clint and Bruce. He knows she’ll be okay too. She’s got her family with her now.

He talks to Bucky about his decision, wishes he could have finally told Tony that he was ready to get a life. He just wishes he had a chance to apologize. Maybe, he will make it up to him when he goes back for Peggy. He knows he would do right by him this time.

When he is alone at night, she calls him. Andrew knows everything, she tells him. And he wants to thank Steve for taking care of her.

Steve smiles and closes his eyes. They all are happy, or he knows they will be. So, after a long time, he thinks he can go and find some happiness too.

Peggy smiles up at him as the soft melody plays on long forgotten. When he brings his lips down on hers, he knows it’s what he had lost, and that he has gotten it back.


End file.
